A-Bombs, Yoshiko, and the Futile Fight
We’ve been watching videos in World Since 1945 about nuclear bombs and the effects they have, from explosion to fallout. It’s pretty gruesome and scary, so reading about how Gunnar wants the A-bomb to drop on them is like really? But I guess the point is they just want to die, no one’s thinking about blood radiation poisoning or agricultural collapse. Gunnar really became something. At the beginning I thought he was a scrawny little kid with a resilient sense of humor who just wanted to make friends. He worked so hard to fit in. By the end of the book, he couldn’t have cared less about fitting in. It was impossible for him to—he was above everyone else, so he had no place among them on their level. He never actually fit in in the first place. With the basketball group he immediately became the best. In the gang he did things on his own terms. In school he was so elevated that nothing could touch him. His only group is his two close friends Scoby and Psycho Loco. Eventually Yoshik...
Alrighty Emi, this story has literally quintupled in size since I peer-edited it for you, and I really like it. First question, did you purposefully add more people with names starting with J just because I complained about it while peer-editing? Because there are more!
ReplyDeleteOther than that, I love where you’ve taken the story. I know originally, you weren’t planning to use Jesus as a character, but I love how you’ve woven stories from Mark into Deborah’s own life. I think my favorite scene was probably your retelling of the healing of the paralyzed man, with Deborah’s father as one of the stretcher bearers. I found that very clever. I guess the only thing I think you could change would be more focus on the demon, who’s become less of a character than it was in your original draft. Overall, this is really cool though, Emi. Good job.